Morning Paper
by Jania Jitsu
Summary: An annoying reporter, a temperamental- but strangely paternal- werewolf, and bad coffee make for one interesting start of the day. PG, maybe mild PG-13. (Just edited to credit the artist.)


  
  
  
  
***Title**: Morning Paper  
***Author**: Jania Jitsu  
***Summary**: An annoying reporter, a temperamental- but strangely paternal- werewolf, and bad coffee make for one interesting start of the day.  
***Disclaimer**: I'm just doing this for fun. This fic is my idea and writing, but Harry Potter and everything to do with it belongs to J.K. Rowling. If Lupin and Sirius were mine, they'd have hooked up by the end of book four. ("What, not three?" --I know, I know, but you've got to give them some time.)  
***Rating**: PG, I suppose. It may be a mild PG-13.  
***Category**: Humor, I hope.  
***Feedback**: jedi_padawan@n2trouble.com  
***Spoilers**: Well, for "Prisoner of Azkaban".  
***Timeline Info**: This is a NWIH. ("No Way In Hell") That means that this is just a little plot bunny that latched its teeth onto my ankle and wouldn't let go. I humored the thing by writing it out, but I know this will never happen canonically and I'm not pretending it will.  
***Warnings/Notes**: I wrote this after I saw a picture drawn by the fabulous Catfish. You can see her website here: http://www.angelfire.com/realm/laborissolis/ and the picture here: http://www.angelfire.com/realm/laborissolis/dp.html   
  
Oh, and also, this fic heavily implies a slash relationship. Nothing bad at all, not even a hug or a kiss. It's all implied.   
  
  
  
  
---------------------------- **morning paper** ----------------------------   
  
  
  
  
It was on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_. (He sighed when he saw this.) There was a lengthy article and a big picture. There were three people in the picture, and none of them looked like they were enjoying being photographed.   
  
There was a tall, slightly thin man with shoulder-length black hair. His blue eyes were slightly narrowed and his teeth were bared. He held up one hand like it had claws on it. In complete contradiction to this rather sinister appearance, he was laughing. This pose fit his humorous personality well.   
  
The man had his hand clasped onto the arm of another- shorter- man. This one had light brown hair (he was due for a haircut, oh, about three weeks ago) and wide, panicked gray eyes. His entire face screamed that this was NOT what he needed- _why_ were they taking pictures of him?! He had begun to twist away from the camera just as the picture was snapped, but the black-haired man was holding him in the shot.   
  
Between the two men was a boy of about fifteen or sixteen, though he looked younger than he was because he was short. He had wild black hair, which _ would not stay down_. His eyes were closed and his hand covered half his face, but one could still see his exasperated look on the half that was showing.   
  
Remus Lupin looked at the picture and sighed.   
  
"What's the matter?" Harry asked sleepily as he walked into the kitchen. He stretched just like James used to.   
  
"Ughmmmphhunhtoo?" Sirius mumbled, trudging in after Harry.   
  
"Congratulations, boys," Remus said with some sarcasm. "We've made the morning paper." He tossed the paper across the kitchen to Harry.   
  
"'Boy Who Lived Adopted by Werewolf and Ex-Convict'," Harry read. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, Lord, is that Skeeter bi-"   
  
"Harry!" Remus admonished.   
  
"-woman," Harry quickly substituted, "_still_ writing? I thought Hermione taught her a lesson." He saw the curious look on Remus's face- Sirius was still out of it and unable to react- and mumbled something about Hogsmeade and Ron and Hermione.   
  
"Owl us if you plan to stay at either of their houses overnight!" Remus called after Harry. Wasn't that what parents were supposed to say? He was pretty sure.   
  
Remus Lupin was very proud of his new role as one of Harry's adoptive dads. Actually, Sirius had taken the role of the Really-Cool-Uncle-Who-Let-You-Do-Anything, so that left Remus with the role of the disciplinarian. Remus supposed that he was doing pretty well, for having nothing much to go by.   
  
"Mmmgoobabehnnn," Sirius mumbled. Remus translated this to "I'm going back to bed now."   
  
"You do that," he replied, patting Sirius on the shoulder as he plodded by, loosely grasping his mug of coffee. "Don't spill."   
  
Remus was about to leave to go grocery shopping, but he thought that he should at least leave a note for in case Sirius or Harry noticed he was gone. Remus highly doubted that either of them would walk around the house before he got home, but he thought that he should leave a note anyway, just in case.   
  
Unfortunately, there were no quills to be found. Remus was turning the den over looking for one, when he heard mumbling.   
  
"Sirius, is that you?" he shouted, walking towards the foyer. Sirius must have made it to the stairs. (He was very slow in the morning.) Good. He wouldn't have to leave a note. "I'm going to London, all right? So could you do the laundry while I'm gone? Oh, and I want my shirt back, so you'll have to find something else to wear toda--oh!"   
  
Sirius was standing at the front door in Remus's shirt- thank God it was a big shirt- squinting and clutching a coffee mug. Outside was-   
  
"Rita Skeeter, special correspondent. You may have read some of my works in the _ Daily Prophet_?"   
  
"We've met," Remus said dryly.   
  
"That's right. You're Mr. Lepore."   
  
"Lupin," Remus corrected her. "Now could you please tell that man to stop snapping photos?"   
  
She ignored him. "So, Mr. Black, this is Mr. Lupis's shirt you're wearing?" She had that greedy look tabloid writers often have.   
  
"It's Lu_pin_," Remus corrected her again, "and that's not really any of your business." Why on earth did she even _care_?   
  
"Do you often wake up at eleven-thirty?"   
  
"I don't suppose it matters," Remus said crossly, "but we wake up whenever we want to. Especially on Saturdays, when we both have the day off."   
  
"Mm-hmm. So, Mr. Lapin-"   
  
"_Lupin_."   
  
"Right. So is Harry here?"   
  
Remus looked at her suspiciously. "He's out with his friends."   
  
Rita Skeeter's eyes lit up. "Do you know where he is, Mr. Loper?"   
  
"Of course I do," Remus said with exasperation, "but I don't want you chasing after him! And, for God's sake, it's Lupin!"   
  
"Why are you so touchy this morning, Mr. Lupien?" Rita Skeeter asked in a whisper, leaning in confidentially. "Had a late night?"   
  
"WHAT THE--?! Who the _hell_ do you think you are?" Remus demanded. "Sirius, in the house. Go drink some more coffee and wake up. We're setting up those warding spells we were talking about today. And _you_," he growled, glaring at Rita Skeeter. "If you don't leave my family alone, I'll hunt you down and make you regret it!"   
  
With that, Remus pulled Sirius inside and slammed the door in Rita Skeeter's face.   
  
"I like the way her mouth made a perfect O," Sirius commented.   
  
"Oh, suddenly coherent, are we?"   
  
"Yeah, well. Blame it on your weak coffee."   
  
"Well, I'm sorry, but 'Sirius's Super-Duper, Jolt-You-Straight-Outta-Bed, Kick-Ass Coffee' makes my stomach queasy. And that's not even the point. How do we tell Harry that we're going to be in the paper again tomorrow?"   
  
"Oh, I think you underestimate his sense of humor."   
  
"Maybe. I shouldn't have threatened her like that. I can't believe I lost control. James used to say the _exact_ same thing-"   
  
"But he was a friend. There's a big difference between a friend and a prying bitch reporter."   
  
"True. But I really dread seeing tomorrow's paper."   
  
"I think it might me amusing." Sirius took a sip of coffee and made a face. "God, Remy. I love you, but this stuff is _terrible_."   
  
  
  
~ * ~ * * * ~ * ~   
  
  
  
Remus got up the next day and walked to the kitchen. He yawned and started the coffee machine that Harry had given them last Christmas. Before Sirius had been proven innocent.   
  
When the coffee was done, Remus poured himself a cup, grabbed Sirius's trench coat from the coat hanger and put it on, wrapping it around himself like a robe. He walked barefoot down the driveway and picked up the paper where the owl had dropped it by the mailbox.   
  
"Hey, neighbor!" the man next door called cheerfully. What was his name? Jones? Something Jones. "Just getting rid of all these pesky gnomes."   
  
The idiot was degnoming his yard at this hour?   
  
"That's nice," Remus said politely, taking a sip of his coffee. He and Sirius didn't bother with the gnomes. They never hurt anything anyway.   
  
"You know you three are on the front page of the paper again?" Jones asked as he hurled a gnome off into oblivion.   
  
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Remus replied. He walked back inside and unfolded the paper. He read the headline and laughed to hard that he woke both Harry and Sirius. Sirius made a batch of his "Super-Duper, Jolt-You-Straight-Outta-Bed, Kick-Ass Coffee" as Harry read the headline aloud.   
  
"'_My Morning with a Half-Naked Gay Ex-Convict and Werewolf PMS_' by Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent.   
  
"You've _got_ to be kidding me," he said incredulously. "What did you two _do_ yesterday?!"   
  
"Did you see the picture?" Remus asked with a smile.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Author's Note**: Ahem. So, how did my attempt at humor and slash go?? This was completely un-beta-ed and written in one day, but I let it sit for about a week so I could edit it myself. I've decided to make my beta reader's job a little easier by only sending her stuff for my really big fics. (As opposed to these one-shots, which are just for fun.) 


End file.
